I shouldn't be awake now. I should have been in the comforts of my bed and my covers. I should have been in my dreams, eating ice-creams in the cool winter of Japan. So why am I still here, sitting in front of a machine, trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts? I had to find out that I was able to get into a good JC with my crappy results and it had to be at this point in time. To go there, it'll be as good as telling myself I'll have to sacrifice more than I would. It isn't just my freedom anymore and my plan can't be carried out anymore. You can't feel the desperation I'm pleading to be relieved of right now. Perhaps I just want to talk to someone about just anything to get my spirits back up before really deciding. It's not just about me anymore, the future scares me. Church and YF would most likely be gone with my enrollment in that Junior College and I don't want that to happen. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

I'll be flooded, more than anyone else around me. The expectations of me would rise higher than the current pile, stress level would increase, risk of a mental breakdown would increase too. Would I be able to cope? I don't know. WHY MUST A CHOICE BE THIS HARD? I can just go to an average land and live life as usual and simple or go to a far away land and live life with more expectations of myself and risk depriving myself of freedom due to the workload. This is seriously madness. But to come to think of it, my mom mentioned that if I went to the average land, she'll restrict me even more for fear that I lose myself completely. Would it really be better if I went to the far away land instead? Madness, really madness.

I shouldn't be awake now. I should have been in the comforts of my bed and my covers. I should have been in my dreams, eating ice-creams in the cool winter of Japan. So why am I still here, sitting in front of a machine, trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts? I had to find out that I was able to get into a good JC with my crappy results and it had to be at this point in time. To go there, it'll be as good as telling myself I'll have to sacrifice more than I would. It isn't just my freedom anymore and my plan can't be carried out anymore. You can't feel the desperation I'm pleading to be relieved of right now. Perhaps I just want to talk to someone about just anything to get my spirits back up before really deciding. It's not just about me anymore, the future scares me. Church and YF would most likely be gone with my enrollment in that Junior College and I don't want that to happen. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

I'll be flooded, more than anyone else around me. The expectations of me would rise higher than the current pile, stress level would increase, risk of a mental breakdown would increase too. Would I be able to cope? I don't know. WHY MUST A CHOICE BE THIS HARD? I can just go to an average land and live life as usual and simple or go to a far away land and live life with more expectations of myself and risk depriving myself of freedom due to the workload. This is seriously madness. But to come to think of it, my mom mentioned that if I went to the average land, she'll restrict me even more for fear that I lose myself completely. Would it really be better if I went to the far away land instead? Madness, really madness.